© George Hartwell M.Sc., 2009, www.HealMyLife.com. (416) 234-1850. georgeh (at) interlog.com.
How does fear and control block marital intimacy and create the silent divorce?
Fear and the associated lack of trust is always with a high need to be in control. Where trust is low control is high. People that have basic trust do not have to control others. One does not feel secure until one achieves full control of close relationships. The more fear, the more insecurity the more one becomes very controlling of other people. And the more control the more love is destroyed. Love and control cannot exist together.
When love is destroyed, silent divorce ensues. Here are some to the ways control manifests in a relationship:
One method of control if to control appearances. Focus on the surface - on looking good.
If one has control of finances, then avoid sharing these resources or information or input about them with your partner.
If one is good at developing relationships, then take the lead role in key relationships overpowering and excluding the other.
Do not include the other in key decisions (consult, talk or communicate).
Do not communicate about anything of relevance.
Just talk about other people, fiction, and other times - not here, now and relevant.
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